Text Super Bowl Recap

This Super Bowl ending had me more jacked than my body after guzzling one of those new jumbo red bulls. I wanted to try something new and recap my Super Bowl text messages.

I have 2 good buddies who are GMen fans and I do not know any real non bandwagon Patriots fans. If I did, I would have text blasted their ass several one liners, probably just 18-1 over and over.

I received my first Super Bowl related text message from my diehard Giants buddy during the pregame show: Randy Moss is a playoff choker, Harrison is a dirty cheater. Go GIANTS! A new dynasty starts tonite!
My response: Osi need 2 take a dump on Brady

Game Text Messages
My blast text: Kick a FG Bellaprick
My blast text: Alot of Animal Commercials
My blast text: Tuns of gmen fans at game
Inbox: Must not got that Giants Videotape
Inbox: Brady is getting rocked
My repsonse: I like that part

My blast text: Joe Montana never played this bad in a Super Bowl
My blast text: Gmen need to play action more
My blast text: Play Action WHAT! ( Eli throws play action TD on 2nd down, a girl at our place asks what play action means)
Inbox: Giants are going to pull off the upset!
My response: I hope still expect da worst, pats -12 not looking good

Me: Oh My Fn GOD! (Plaxico scores TD!)
Inbox: Pats are Fd
Inbox: Pop it 72, Pop it( This is predictably from a Fins fan, who has been waiting all year to send that text)

Me: Riot n NYC
Inbox: Giants deserved it Pats r sore losers
Inbox: Cheaters never win
Inbox: Another year talking about the greatness of the manning family. Talk more about that family then the Kennedys

Inbox: Nostradomus, i mean plax wasnt too far off, just underestimated his own defense
My response: Wow, U r right!

Inbox: F Yeah
Me: U called it, go gmen!
Inbox: Eighteen and one is a decent season(Giant Buddy)
Inbox: World Champions(Giant Buddy)
Inbox: The 72 Fins live to die another day(Dolphins Buddy)
Inbox: Another one bites the dust. Bellidick is no Shula (Same Dolphins Buddy)

Me to my Hawkeye buddy: A Cyclone getting beat for winning TD is awesum

Me to my Giant friend on Monday morning: R u still partying? Bad guys do lose
Response: Am recovering. Working Sucks. Giants make today great anyway

Perfectville:Population 1

Reebok sure scored with the creation of this 1972 Dolphins commercial. I will have much more on last night's amazing game later and the bad guys do lose in the Super Bowl.

OSI= OH I SAW U PEE

Once in awhile a story comes along is just too good that it appears almost made up. It was right in With Leather's wheel house, sitting on a tee and proving once again why only blogs can cover this type of story.

The blog post titled, "Osi Likes it Nasty," includes:

A budding NFL superstar, freaky sex with urine, affair, cash pay outs, Internet rumor, defecation, hold up? Defecation? Yes.

Giants DE Osi Umenyiora of the New York Giants "allegedly" had sexual relations with a so called model/hooker, who detailed their wild (paid for) escapades on this blog.

He wanted me to have sex with him and one of his brothers at the same time. He also wanted me to try it with another one of his teammates that was staying there. I said no because I didn't want to be passed around like that.

He did buy my jewelry. The diamond snow ball. Oh and all the me money. I did invite a friend to join us (My hot girl "L" that has done shoots with me) and he wanted to DEFECATE on her in his bathtub. My GOSH she let him do it but I wanted no part. I'm a freak, but my gosh.


The next time I was with him he offered me 3 grand if I let him defecate on me and I said no. He told me to leave and so I did. The next time he asked and I did and I accepted the 3 grand. And it became a regular thing.

This is exactly why I simultaneously love and hate the Internet at the same time. This is totally non credible information and most likely made up. These type of rumor laced comments are normally reserved for female hairdressers and lady restrooms.

However, the nature of the information inquires our minds to wonder immediately if Osi really blows 2 loads on his female partners/victims.

Eagles OT Winston Justice is just pissed that this "working girl" was repetedly paid 3 grand to be humilated by Osi.

I can not wait for the Packers to take a dump all over the Giants on Sunday, metaphorically speaking. Dirt Balls.

OSI likes it Nasty
Osi's a Pooper?
Osi Kelly?

NFL Quarterfinal Recap

The main themes from last weekend's NFL quarterfinal playoff games were dropped balls and the ability or inability to effectively rush the QB.

Both played key roles in determining the outcome of each game. This was obviously apparent in clean post game jerseys of Tom Brady/Phillip Rivers/Brett Favre and the butterfingers of Marcus Pollard/Patrick Crayton/Dennis Northcut.

Packers over the Seahawks
I could not think of a worse beginning of this game for the Packers after spotting the Seasquawks 14-0. On a personal note, I was nursing a major hang over and the early deficit forced me to hop back on the booze train.

The second seasquawks TD was ruled a force out and this is the 3rd time the Packers have been screwed by this awful rule. Earlier this fall, I wrote on Epic Carnival about the need for the NFL to allow replay on this highly questionable call. It cost the Browns a playoff berth.

The Packers scored on 6 straight TDs as Ryan Grant overcame 2 early fumbles, rambling for 200 yards. Favre's passes were crisper than the bills at Strip Club ATM machine. Ball Game.

The hyped up Seasquawks defense was non existent and the Packers had their way all day. I am still waiting for the missing person report on All Pro DE Patrick Kerney. The underrated Packers defense brought their A game and Atari Bigby laid some serious wood on several occasions.

If some one would have told me in September that a RB named Ryan Grants would lead the Packers to the NFC title game, I would have asked where they got the good hydro.

Patriots over Jaguars
The Jags made a valiant effort but the Patriots displayed why they are the favored team to win it all and on a path to make history.

Brady surgically picked apart the Jags defense, who were unable to generate any pressure all game. Brady's statue of liberty goal line fake symbolized this point as he had at least 8-10 seconds before finding Wes Welker in the back of the end zone for the TD.

I compare beating the Patriots to playing Tiger Woods in the back nine of a final round. Par is not going defeat Tiger, only birdies maybe will.

The Jags had a shot but TD drops by Northcutt and Matt Jones made them settle for FGs aka pars, while the Pats were holing out birdies on every 2nd half TD drive.

Chargers over Colts
Man did I eat some crow on this one and I thought the Colts would roll. I was Norv Turner and Phillip River's hater. I believed in the Colts defense, who had been one of the NFL's top units all season. They were a no show, producing zero pass rush and no big plays as the Chargers rolled up 400 plus yards in total offense.

Peyton almost led the Colts to victory but 2 red zone turnovers killed their chances. The big hit on Reggie Wayne on the last drive was a huge play for the Chargers. The Colts did not deserve to win after giving up a go ahead TD drive in the final quarter to the Chargers backup QB(Billy Volek) and RB(Michael Turner). Championship teams do not allow that to happen.

I still heart Colts Safety bad ass and defensive NFL MVP, Bobby "da hitman" Sanders. The penalty he was called for after giving a tap to his boy and ex hawkeye teammate, Chargers kicker Kato for missing a FG was awesome.

It was total BS but it was pretty cool to see two Hawks getting attention on national TV. Trust me, Hawkeye football fans need all the excitement they can get these days.

Giants beat Cowboys
The GMen pulled off the upset in Big D because they were able to consistently harass Tony Romo in the 2nd half. He was never comfortable in the pocket at all and his WRs let him down with several drops. Crayton's 3rd down drop in the 4th quarter

Eli did not make any huge mistakes and the Giants WRs exposed the weaknesses of the Cowboys secondary. Cowboy Safety Roy Williams being a pro bowler is a bigger joke than the Cowboys having 12 pro bowlers to the Packers 4. Williams can not tackle or cover anymore.

The Giants TD before the half was huge and it took the momentum back from Dallas, who had just went on a 20 play TD drive. I did not like the Giants conservative play calling at the end of the game but their D stepped up to seal the victory.

I made it through a Cowboys summary of their playoff loss without mentioning TO or that no talent buxom blonde's effect on Romo. This has to be a record.

The NFL's version of the Final Frozen Four takes place on Sunday with low temps expected in Green Bay and Boston. I am cold just thinking about it. GO Pack GO.