"I'm in Miami, Bitch"

I am in Miami Beach for today's Orange Bowl. Iowa is looking to curb stomp those Yellow Gnats of Nerd Tech. Of course my luck, weather is unseasonably chilly and could be coldest the Orange Bowl ever.

Haws Poon was out in full force last night as the Iowa coeds were tearing up the dance floor at the Clevelander. I got some extra saucy videos to upload later.

My brain is fried and it is time to Tailgate.

Follow the blow by blow of live updates of the debauchery on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/macg_og

Go Hawks.


I 'm in Miami, Bitch.

Quote of the Day

Iowa Linebacker Pat Angerer has a solid comeback dare to the national pundits like Mark May, Lou Holtz and Terry Bradshaw hating on Iowa's 9-0 record,

"It doesn’t really matter....I’m pretty sure I can beat up most of those guys anyway.”

9-0 is 9-0 and the point of a football contest is to beat the other team. Iowa has not lost a game in over a calendar year but somehow they are begging for national respect after eventually covering the spread against Indiana last Saturday. I do not have the energy to break down everything because there is still a bunch of football to be played but who the hell thinks Boise State/Cincinnati/TCU would run the table at Madison, East Lansing, and Happy Valley in the same season?

There is no doubt that Iowa has warts and they been a benefactor of fortunate bounces at times. However, this 2009 team has always made the money plays when the game is on the line and they should get credit for making them.

I will take winning ugly over losing pretty and I am pretty sure most college football fans would like their team to be 9-0. It feels much better than following the Cornhuskers wreckage in Lincoln.

While the 2009 Hawkeyes have caused serious heart/liver damage amongst us fans, I am still buckled in for the historic ride.

Stanzi Magic, Believe it.


Picture HT: Hawkeye Lounge

Stanzi Magic

I was yelling “Stanzi Magic” continually throughout the final drive and stewed anxiously during these final 2 seconds to see if my premonition was about to hit pay dirt.

Oh….My…..Fucking……God.

The exact text message to my Hawkeye boyz: “Stanzi Magic, hawkeyes are destined, its so real that it seems made up.”

When you place this sporting event in a big picture thinking context, it seems silly that a play amongst 19-21 year old males could have such an emotional impact on your daily life. To an irrational and passionate Hawkeye/Husker fan like myself, the Hawkeye victory saved what could have been the worst college football day ever and positively changed the outlook of my life in the Fall of 2009.

After Nebraska suffered another demoralizing home upset defeat at the hands of a gritty undermanned Iowa State Cyclone squad, Iowa’s BCS/Rose Bowl chances going up in flames would have been a double whammy soul crusher. It would have taken me weeks to recover and I am not afraid to admit this flaw of mine. Hell, the Brett Favre Vikings ordeal has scarred me in ways that I am not comfortable in talking about yet. (My cat dying, my fiancé leaving me, and my all time sports hero playing for the hated enemy are almost on the similar level of personal despair.) Yes, I am weird/crazy MoFo.

The Stanzi/McNutt combination will go down as one of the top plays in Hawkeye history and might just be the defining moment of a special season.

On Sunday morning, I woke up from my alcohol-induced slumber and immediately pondered if that play really transpired. These types of things do not happen to us Hawkeye fans and we wait around for bad things to happen for good reason, which is based on past repetitive disappointments. (Distinct losses that I witnessed in person over and over and over still traumatize me to this day. I was so close for this heartbreaking hoops defeat that you can almost see me in St. Patty’s Day gear) This devastation has bred quite a severe case of pessimistic cynicism in myself and some of my fellow Hawkeye brahs/brahettes.

However, this play did happen, Iowa is 8-0 for the first time ever, Hawkeyes has won 12 in a row dating back to last season, computers really do have them ranked number one, their BCS ranking is 4 and a Rose Bowl berth seems in reach. The national media is finally taking notice that Iowa is now a legitimate national championship contender.

My initial mass text on Sunday summarizes the feelings of gradual but bewildered acceptance of what is transpiring to Hawkeye nation.

“Did the sports gods really shine on the Hawkeyes? 5 wins from a national title? Holy Fucking Shit!”

Stanzi Magic, Believe It.

McNutt It.



HT for Video: Black Heart Gold Pants

Exterminate the Rodents, Roast the Pig, & Sex Up Your Bathrooms

The Hawkeyes pounded the Golden Gophers 55-0 on Saturday evening to close out a 8-4 regular season. The A$$ kicking was historic:

The Hawkeyes (8-4, 5-3 Big Ten) handed the Gophers their most lopsided defeat in the 102-year history of the series and their worst home loss ever in conference play. In the Kirk Ferentz era, it was Iowa's most one-sided Big Ten win and the first shutout for the Hawkeyes in the league. Iowa rolled up 483 yards, limited the Gophers to 134, including minus-7 rushing, and held Minnesota to six first downs.

After the Rodents were exterminated for good, it was time for the Hawks to hoist Floyd of Rosedale and have another pig roast party.


Due to the Rodents moving into a new on campus stadium in 2008, this game was the last in the Metrodome, aka Kinnick North. Two adulterous Hawk fans made sure it was a memorable going away bash.

Two Iowa football fans were caught having sex in a bathroom stall at the Metrodome during Saturday’s Minnesota-Iowa game.

According to a police report, a Metrodome security officer saw two people having sex in a handicapped stall after noticing two sets of feet with underwear dropped to the ground.

A group of 15 onlookers were gawking at the scene by the time officers broke the couple up and wrote them misdemeanor citations.

This is my favorite part:

The officer arrived and separated the two. The 38-year-old female and the 26-year-old male, both in town from Iowa, were cited for indecent conduct before being released, respectively, to their husband and girlfriend.

Who says the only way to get busy in a men's stall in Minneapolis is by a game of foot tapping? The Hawkeye Cougar found her prey and the dude obliged. Unless this is some epic swingers club, I would love to have a seat at both of their respective Thanksgiving Day tables.

Hawkeye Nation did behave on the field by not attempting to rip the goal posts out of the stadium like in 2002. This video still gives me goose bumps.



Oh, I was on the field and it was awesome. I gave my buddy Racho a high five as he rolled by me at the midfield with the goal posts in his arms.

Shonn Greene for Heisman!!

Props to Black Heart Gold Pants for the Pictures

Update: The dudes at BHGP have weighed on this classic story quicker than a drunk mowing down a Ped Mall Gyro at 2:30am. They always bring the funny:

Since the two weren't arrested, we're denied the richer-than-chocolate privilege of seeing mugshots. I, for one, hope the lady's either really hot or just beastly. No half-stepping here.

But that's not even the best part of the story. The two Iowa fans (as if there was any doubt at all) were both in a committed relationship. Just, uh, not with each other. The police released the man to his girlfriend, and the woman to her husband. Yeah. She came up from Iowa to the game with her spouse, and couldn't make it the whole game without sneaking into the men's room and getting filled up by some dude a dozen years younger while a bunch of people cheer them on.

MMMM, In Heaven.........

In Heaven There is No Beer

I took my crappy photo shop skills to a screen shot of ESPN's website. God Bless You Daniel Murray. I hope you are still higher than the crowd at a Snoop Dogg concert.



Here is the Hawkeye band performing the beer song in a Iowa City pub.



Back in my glory drunken years of college academia, the University banned the band from singing the words to the beer song because some local bible beating teacher complained.

Of course, this led to every student yelling the words of the song at the next basketball game and eventually, the band was allowed to sing again.

The band immediately goes into the song after every basketball and football victory. (Yes, to the Big 10 haters out there, please insert the obligatory Iowa sucks joke here)



This next video shows how Iowa gets selected to higher bowls than their on the field performance deserves because they travel so damn well.



This post was dedicated to my boy, the Hoff Daddy, who likely has not came down from Saturday's upset high and he is still yelling "Go Hawks" to every Husker fan in Omaha.

Hawks are BCS Killers

Iowa kicker Daniel Murray is set for life in the Hawkeye State.



HT: Black Heart Gold Pants

Shonn Greene is a Beast!

Iowa Hawkeye's RB Shonn Greene's 2008 performance might have single handily saved Kirk Ferentz's job for another season and provided enough cover to mistakenly allow Ferentz to keep his inept Offensive coordinator Ken O'Keefe.

This program desperately needs new blood but the AD's nick name is Gary "No Balls" Barta. ( BTW, I glossed him with this for his refusal to fire Alford when every fan wanted him gone and my grass roots effort to hire Huggie Bear aka Bob Hugging or VCU's head coach, Anthony Grant never materialized.)

It does not take much to meet the lowered expectations of Hawkeye fans, who get cheery about some crap bowl game and love to make excuses for the program's constant state of mediocrity.

Turnovers, awful coaching decisions, and shaky QB play have hindered the Hawks all fall. The team's main strength is the ability to control the line of scrimmage on both sides of the ball, which is usually a solid precursor to victor, and led them to 2 straight victories.

However, I can predict the Hawkeye Tecmo Bowl offense and vanilla defensive schemes. A Ferentz recruited WR has never played one down in the NFL during his 10 years coaching tenure and this year's crop of WRs will not be breaking this embarrassing streak. They have yet to beat a bowl caliber team in 08 and Iowa just destroyed the worst Wisky team that I have seen in years.

I am mildly satisfied with the last 2 wins but I am not chugging the Hawks kool aid like several of my buddies. At least not yet. If the Hawks upset Penn St in 2 weeks and win out their next 4 games, I will be punch drunk on Hawk love.

My cynical views on recent Hawkeye success over struggling Big Ten teams does not stop my man crush on Greene. The bruiser back has been a monster all season, rushing for at least a 100 yards in 8 straight games, and he just demolished those dirty Badgers on Saturday.

His running display is downright nasty in this highlight video. Dare I say Heisman consideration? Man, this Hawkeye aid does taste yummy!

Juno Writer is a Hawkeye

I attended the University of Iowa in Iowa City for 4 and 1/2 years. I squeezed every bit of fun of that crazy college town and during my reign, I was a major member of the party "scene."

I am not really proud of that fact but hell, I still escaped IC with a Journalism/Poly Sci degree and most of my brain cells. I ended up with enough membrane to ramble on this blog, which however is a very low bar accomplishment.

My addictions developed in college unfortunately still came with me once I left Iowa but hey, you take the good with the bad and deal with it. I learned a hard lesson early that buying rounds of Tequila shots is not a frugal endeavor in the "real world' and specials like "dollar you call it or 2 dollar Steins," are complete foreign phrases in 99% of all other drinking establishment cultures.

Hell, what is the point of this post? The Academy Award for best original screenplay went to Diablo Cody for writing the movie "Juno." It turns out Diablo, who's real name is Brook Busey-Hunt, attended Iowa at the same time as myself.

I have an eery feeling that we have met before and I can not place it, see my aforementioned fuzzy memory. We either shared some classes, a coffee at the Java house or a bathroom stall at an after hours party. Maybe we conversed at Dolls, the ex-local gentleman's club, while she was studying up for one of her future literary topics.

Diablo ended up in the Twin Cities working at a seedy strip club. She chronicled her experience in the book, Candy Girl: A Year in The Life of an Unlikely Stripper.

She has a cool blog called Pussy Ranch, a guest column for EW, a Showtime pilot working with Steven Spielberg and now an Oscar. Diablo has leaked semi nude photos on the web.

Who says it does not pay to strip? Go Hawks!

And if you are wondering, Yes and sober.
The video of her appearance on the Dave Letterman show about her book is pretty hilarious.





Diablo Cody's Wikipedia Page
Her Racy Photos
Diablo Cody's MySpace Page
Video of Her Appearance on Letterman

NFL Fans are Crazy!

One of the secrets of the NFL, aside from their reliance on gambling/fantasy to fuel the sports popularity or the continual downplaying of players' head trauma injuries, is the outrageous fan behavior at games. They revel in getting BOMBED and starting fights. It is spectacle in itself and their actions border criminal behavior.

I have attended a few NFL games in recent years and each time I have worried about my personal safety. I witnessed numerous unruly, fight provoking acts. Drunk Dudes in bathrooms mocking everyone, Continual harassment of visiting teams fans and little regard for the home or away fans sitting around their seat.

My father was a target at a Chiefs game because he wore his Colts gear. Fans yelled "Kansas City, FIRST DOWN" over and over in his face.

I do not advocate bringing any kid under 14 to NFL game. It is not a pleasurable experience, especially at 80-100 a ticket, 7 dollars a beer and 30 dollar parking.

It is a total different atmosphere at a college game. Students and adult fans tend to get rowdy. I have seen a few skirmishes over the years. My favorites were 2 yuppy dudes in their late 40s, fans of Iowa/Iowa State almost come to blows in the mud outside of Jack Trice stadium in Lames USA. Or the Crappy Wisconsin Dirty Badger fans coming into Iowa City and squirting mustard all over the Iowa Student section. It was bad enough that Ron Dayne was running for 300 bazillion yards in a Badger A$$ kicking. This classless dirty badger act almost started a riot in the stands.

However, for the most part college fans are pretty behaved. They focus on showing their school spirit/pride and enjoying the tailgating atmosphere of a college town on Game Day. No one is telling a dad to shut the F up in front of 9 year old kid in his Eagles jersey or wearing a Cowboys jersey to a game not involving the Cowboys and start a F you chant to both teams.

I am probably the most vocal fan that you will find. I will cheer/scream at refs, players, coaches. I will say the same thing from any seat in the house. I never cross the line by trying to start violent acts against complete strangers solely based on the colors of their clothes.

I doubt Mac G will attend any NFL games in person this season. My NFL ticket in HD, with 3 TVs and continuous live fantasy scoring suits me just fine. No overweight drunk guy wearing camo purple fuba pants in a Todd Heap jersey tells me on my couch that the Packers suck. The only people who mock Brett Favre are my friends and I am not afraid of them. I am just scared of my girlfriend, Miss So Bell. Thank God she is not a Raider fan. Check out this Clip.





BTW, This might be the most successful thing someone in a Randy Moss jersey ever accomplished in Raiders stadium. Punks.