Monday, November 24, 2008

Exterminate the Rodents, Roast the Pig, & Sex Up Your Bathrooms

The Hawkeyes pounded the Golden Gophers 55-0 on Saturday evening to close out a 8-4 regular season. The A$$ kicking was historic:

The Hawkeyes (8-4, 5-3 Big Ten) handed the Gophers their most lopsided defeat in the 102-year history of the series and their worst home loss ever in conference play. In the Kirk Ferentz era, it was Iowa's most one-sided Big Ten win and the first shutout for the Hawkeyes in the league. Iowa rolled up 483 yards, limited the Gophers to 134, including minus-7 rushing, and held Minnesota to six first downs.

After the Rodents were exterminated for good, it was time for the Hawks to hoist Floyd of Rosedale and have another pig roast party.

Due to the Rodents moving into a new on campus stadium in 2008, this game was the last in the Metrodome, aka Kinnick North. Two adulterous Hawk fans made sure it was a memorable going away bash.

Two Iowa football fans were caught having sex in a bathroom stall at the Metrodome during Saturday’s Minnesota-Iowa game.

According to a police report, a Metrodome security officer saw two people having sex in a handicapped stall after noticing two sets of feet with underwear dropped to the ground.

A group of 15 onlookers were gawking at the scene by the time officers broke the couple up and wrote them misdemeanor citations.
This is my favorite part:
The officer arrived and separated the two. The 38-year-old female and the 26-year-old male, both in town from Iowa, were cited for indecent conduct before being released, respectively, to their husband and girlfriend.

Who says the only way to get busy in a men's stall in Minneapolis is by a game of foot tapping? The Hawkeye Cougar found her prey and the dude obliged. Unless this is some epic swingers club, I would love to have a seat at both of their respective Thanksgiving Day tables.

Hawkeye Nation did behave on the field by not attempting to rip the goal posts out of the stadium like in 2002. This video still gives me goose bumps.

Oh, I was on the field and it was awesome. I gave my buddy Racho a high five as he rolled by me at the midfield with the goal posts in his arms.

Shonn Greene for Heisman!!

Props to Black Heart Gold Pants for the Pictures

The dudes at BHGP have weighed on this classic story quicker than a drunk mowing down a Ped Mall Gyro at 2:30am. They always bring the funny:
Since the two weren't arrested, we're denied the richer-than-chocolate privilege of seeing mugshots. I, for one, hope the lady's either really hot or just beastly. No half-stepping here.

But that's not even the best part of the story. The two Iowa fans (as if there was any doubt at all) were both in a committed relationship. Just, uh, not with each other. The police released the man to his girlfriend, and the woman to her husband. Yeah. She came up from Iowa to the game with her spouse, and couldn't make it the whole game without sneaking into the men's room and getting filled up by some dude a dozen years younger while a bunch of people cheer them on.

MMMM, In Heaven.........