Friday, November 14, 2008

Holiday Romance Guide

Here is some solid holiday romance advice from a John Carney post and the Notorious DEK weighed in on his favorite ones.

29. Avoid any girl who has done speed dating, or j-date. She's got commitment issues, and since you're an emotionally unavailable alcoholic, neither of you will ever call each other.

30. Avoid any girl on anti-psychotics. She'll go off her meds one day and plant a corkscrew in your ribcage.

40. Avoid any girl who wants to monopolize your time on New Year's Eve. The night is too wrought with emotions and memories. Spend time with as many different people as possible or else stay home and alternate heroin and absinthe until you pass out at twenty till midnight. Also, she's probably on Ritalin and won't share it.

47. Avoid any girl you meet at Cocaine Anonymous. She won't do drugs with you.

All very intuitive advice and here are some other ones that I found commendable:

2. Avoid dating a girl just because she is your favorite bartender. Where are you going to drink when you want to forget her?

3. Avoid girl who tells you she she is on a cleanse. She hates herself.

7. Avoid any girl who really likes girls who blog about their sex lives. She’s just too lazy to ruin your name right now. She’ll find a way later.

13. Avoid any girl who is a DJ. She’ll make you listen to her terrible music.

17. Avoid any girl with more tattoos than you. She’ll never respect you.

18. Avoid any girl who is still angry because her last boyfriend cheated on her. You’ll cheat on her too.

Go read the whole list

I found this link at the Cajun Boy in City. Bookmark or add his RSS because the sarcastic, cynical and hilarious Cajun Boy brings it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

In Heaven There is No Beer

I took my crappy photo shop skills to a screen shot of ESPN's website. God Bless You Daniel Murray. I hope you are still higher than the crowd at a Snoop Dogg concert.

Here is the Hawkeye band performing the beer song in a Iowa City pub.

Back in my glory drunken years of college academia, the University banned the band from singing the words to the beer song because some local bible beating teacher complained.

Of course, this led to every student yelling the words of the song at the next basketball game and eventually, the band was allowed to sing again.

The band immediately goes into the song after every basketball and football victory. (Yes, to the Big 10 haters out there, please insert the obligatory Iowa sucks joke here)

This next video shows how Iowa gets selected to higher bowls than their on the field performance deserves because they travel so damn well.

This post was dedicated to my boy, the Hoff Daddy, who likely has not came down from Saturday's upset high and he is still yelling "Go Hawks" to every Husker fan in Omaha.

Bills Tailgaters Perform Tackling Drills

Videos of Buffalo Bills fans tailgating are always all over the tubes. They usually consist of the fans boozing hard core or braving cold conditions to booze hard core. This latest tailgating activity from Bills nation is new and it involves willing human tackling dummies.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Blinded By the White

Here is a neat photo chart of the 44 American presidents and try not to be blinded by the WASPiness.

Lil Bill O the Clown is fired up over the election results.

Honestly, I am trying to ween myself off posting about politics but it is hard out there for a junkie.

My Favorite New NBA Show

This new NBA TV show with Chris Weber and Gary Payton cracked me up last night. I probably could do without Ahmad Rashad and CNN's John King touch screen skills gave me campaign flashbacks. I am still recovering from that never ending 2008 Presidential election.

CWeb and the glove are must see TV. They rip on Rashad pretty good on this video.

Here is a clip from last week's show.

Link Whores

  • This hot chick pretends to play golf. On 205th
  • A collection of tricked out cars painted with advertisement's for McDonald's, Cheetos, and Newport. Banned In Hollywood
  • Bengals fans want a new GM and have started a cool name for their organization,"Who Dey Revolution." Yep Yep
  • Check out this cool list of absurdly named Bond girls. Next Round
  • Simon asks which call of a NFL announcer was dumber, Nantz or Madden? Bus boy for sure. Simon on Sports
  • Sportscrack rolls out his top 5 Heisman list with Shonn Greene getting some love and I just want to see him wearing a suit in NYC next month. Sportscrack
  • Fresh off beating down Roy Jones, Joe Calzaghe calls Bernard Hopkins a racist and a coward. OH Snap! Graney and the Pig's blog
  • Pictures of Carmen Electra never ever get old. Hot POA

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy Veterans Day

I just want to give a shout out to all the vets out there with some pictures of Pat Tillman. This dude is a true American hero along with every soldier sitting in the deserts of Iraq and on military duty all around the world.

It is long past time to bring the troops home from Iraq President-Elect and your double down ideas in Afghanistan are terrible. More troops for an Osama man hunt is well overdue but thinking we are going to solve the long term troubles of a war savaged and impoverished Afghanistan society with increased military power is highly dubious.

Plus, I am sure there are several Russian Generals who can explain in detail what it was like fighting in Afghanistan throughout the 80s and how it worked out for them.

Anyway, pour some out to those who gave up their lives in an uniform and please hope the new American leaders are less likely to callously toss troops into deadly meat grinders.

This is still the best article that I have read in Sports Illustrated in years about Tillman's death. It is really long read but well worth your time.

Pat Tillman SI Story

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hawks are BCS Killers

Iowa kicker Daniel Murray is set for life in the Hawkeye State.

HT: Black Heart Gold Pants

Stripper Pole Tailgating

How easy it would my job as poon hunter be at tailgates if I could just stake out the stripper pole?

I have no idea what this dude below is on but I could use 2 right about now.

Case of the F Bomb Mundays

This is the exact the word that came out of my mouth when Packers kicker Mason Crosby missed the game winner yesterday against the Viqueens.

John Cole of Balloon Juice reveals how dumb this TV gasbag conversation truly is anyway considering the latest news of the US government squeezing the tax payer for more billions to these bank crooks.

Your Morning F Bomb
Treasury Secretary is Shady

Golden Shower at the 930 Club

At their late night spot in last summer's All Good Music Festival, Dark Star Orchestra put the crowd to sleep so I still have a sour taste in my mouth about the Grateful Dead cover band. I love the Dead but Casey Jones is not the beat you need to keep you rocking at 5am.

Anyway, this New Jersey pol showed his distaste for Dark Star or maybe my fellow hippies' body odor with a golden shower performance:

A drunken Jersey City councilman was arrested for urinating on a crowd of concertgoers from the balcony of a Washington nightclub, police and club sources said Saturday.

Councilman Steven Lipski was caught relieving himself onto several revelers at the 9:30 Club during a concert by a Grateful Dead tribute band Friday night, club sources said.

"He was very drunk," the source said, noting that it wasn't the first time Lipski had caused a ruckus at the popular concert venue.

"We've dealt with this man before," the source added. "He's never peed on anybody, but he gets really belligerent and drunk."

Lipski, 44, was hauled out of the club about 9:50 p.m. after staffers spotted him in the act on the concert hall's second-floor balcony and called the cops.

I know there is some great Dead Lyrics that I could use to parody but I am drawing a blank like an Oakland Raiders QB in the pocket. 9:50pm is pretty early to be pissing in public and appears to be a Happy Hour Hero.

I just have 2 things: New Jersey and Awesome.

Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipski is No. 1 threat at Washington club