Tuesday, September 27, 2005

PUSSY AKERS!!


NFL Week 3 will go down as the week of the Charlie Brown's kickers. One plays limp on the opening kickoff, forcing a LB to kick an extra point in back to back games, this time missing it bad. Another kicker/futball player,misses his first extra point of his career and a chip shot FG to cost his team their chance at their first W. One more kicker, whos employment in the league befuddles me more than Ugly sidelines chicks like Shelly Smith, misses a PAT and an All World/future HOF Guard pretty much almost beat his A$$ by yanking his little cross bar. Not all was bad for kickers as 3 hit game winners, highlighted by Mr. Clutch himself, the only kicker I can ever remember saying without a doubt should make the HOF for sure. He is so damn good, I would actually call him a football player!! On a fantasy note, my kicker might as well been in my living room on Sunday having my roommates debut Artichoke dip(I give it many stars, Russ) thanks Coach Haslet, more on this later!

I have decided to recap the all of the games, Mac G stylee. Highlighting my notes from each game and of course, fantasy stats relevancy. Why else would I put myself thru watching games like Arizona/Seattle, unless I had Hasslebeck or Anquan Boldin. Why does anyone watch any crap games like NO/Sota, Cincy/Bears or etc? Fantasy or gambling reasons, only period. Please dont call playing fantasy gambling either. I hate people that do that. Its like telling people you buy lotto tickets that they have a gambling problem. As a guy who started playing fantasy when I was 8 years old and also a recovering cold turkey gamboholic, the 2 are not even close. Having something at stake in meaningless games is where similarities begin and end. The lowness of Matt Stover missing every FG attempt he tried in week one, is nowhere near the painfullness of the BUS rushing in an overtime TD to cover the minus -3 Steelers spread, spoling my 3 team parlay and thus sending me to the Icity Plasma Bank in order to have enough money for food!!

Im sure the more I think about it, I can remember more and more painfull sports gambling stories. Guys missing late FTs, gusy fouling or not fouling when the game is over, last second meaningless 3 pointers and Coaches taking a knee instead of punching it in or kicking the fieldgoal or the dreaded Team Safety, I still cant figure out why taking a safety is EVER a good play!! You seem to remember the painfull losses more than the great Ws. Even though nothing is better than nailing a 3teamer, and winning staight up with the same teams, nothing, well maybe a BJ, however we will keep this a family post for now.

As a huge Packer fan(Insert your own cheesehead/Favre should retire comment here please) its been a rough start to the season. They should be at least 2-1, but instead are 0-3!! What im trying to get at, is I dont know how much longer I can take Sundays like this. Aka, These MacG's NFL recaps could be special and limited, so please cherrish them. Plus if this Packers/Hawkeyes losing streak continues, I could be ending my life, so maybe they can be read at my wake, Anyway On to the games!!

Week 3
A little background for those who dont know my setup, but We have 3 TVs going in the living room, all with the NFL ticket. Plus the Laptop is hooked up with the Live Scoring. Usually the Packers or the Redskins go on the big TV in the middle, with one game chosen for the smaller TV2 on the left, which stays on that game due to remote control issues, the TV3 on right is for changing all over the place. Packers have the early game at 1pm(skins have a bye and are jacking off to their 2-0 start, maybe just RUss and a gazillion skins fans in this city are ejaculating, I havent seen this much premmature excitement since the Olson twins turned 18) Anyway, the Bills/Falcons go on the TV2( I need McGahee to bust out), and TV3 stats with Eagles/Raiders. There are 9 early games, so as I tell every new guest, Buckle Up Tight, Commercials are not allowed!

CINCY/BEARS


Let me just tell you that I LOVE Chad Johnson!! Dude cracks me up, him sending tums to the browns last season was classic and I loved it when he held up the sign after scoring that said, Please dont fine me. Actually, I think Im going to devote a a whole section on him later, with his quotes, pictures and everything. Plus my boy from college, Eric Steinbach, Steiny, starts at LG for the Bengals, so I have became a fan. We go back to when he was injured, burried on the depth chart as a TE on a bad 3-8 hawkeye football. Since then he became Big Ten Lineman of the year, the first pick in the 2nd round of the 2003 draft, and now a starter. Dude is a monster and a great guy, unfortunately his position LG is tied with centers and punters as the least publicized in football. Kickers and Tackles get more love than Guards. He will get his props eventually. Reason I mention it, is that he is from the Chicagoland area and I know he is a Bears fan, so Im sure it was cool for him to come home and play in Soldier. I will try to get him to comment on my board at some point, maybe even interview him. As for the game, it can be summed up like this, Kyle Orton is a rookie and Carson Palmer is not! 24-7 Bunglas over the Shebears. 5 picks for Orton, some where not his fault but some where just HORRIBLE throws. CJ picked up 2 scores for my fantasy team and Bears D didnt have the swagger they showed against the Skins and Lions. Sorry, you cant play against Joey Harrington and Brunnell every week. I guarantee "BYE" racked up some D fantasy points against the Lions and Skins this week.

CLEV/IND

Colt Fantasy owners, Breathe, Breathe, DEEP, In and Out, say with me with these words, Week 3, Week 3, 49Tds, 49TDS, alright, feel better? prolly not? I do though having picked up 2 straight fantasy Ws by facing off against the Indy O. Manning is fine, even though Eli, Bledsoe and Dilfer have WAY more fantasy points than he does right now, YIKES, just writing that on down in print made me want to do a triple take. Harrison is fine too, One buddy just dumped him and LT for TO and MacGhee, I would never, EVER trade LT, especially after Sunday night, now if this trend continues, Great Indy D and ball control low scoring Offense by say Week 6, yes then its time to hit the full on Panic Button. As for the real game, 13-6 colts, hard hitting, led my boy Bobby daHitman Sanders. Freeney is unreal right now, hands down the most unblockable player in the NFL, its not even close either. And I love my 2nd choice Julius Peppers too. Here is another one of the GAZILLION reasons why not to gamble and especially on NFL, Colts up 13-6, ball on 10 yard line, instead of running it in for the game clinching and/or spread covering/pushing score(-12 or -13), Dungy has Peyton take a Knee, Game Over! GULP, Plus this game was over while other games were mid in the 3rd, it had to be record time, it was like Greg Maddux and Mark Buerhle were the on the mound, matching zeros.

Jags/Jets

Pennington Arm is just jello, He threw an out patter in OT that just fluttered for a pick. Russ Commented that I could throw better than him, Yep Russ you are right, I still have some mustard left in the Cannon. My back is shot and I can barely run, but I know I could thread one down the seem still. Anyway enough about the glory days, but first comment on this game is that There was a Jay Fielder Sighting. yes that is right, Fielder is actually not a bad QB, as the AJ Feely experiment porved in Miami. Fielder hurts his shoulder right away and Pennington had to come back. Now it looks like both are out for the season. UH OH, Drop LColes like its hot, Drop CMartin Like its hot!! I havent seen this big of a BLOW to a career since Kate Moss chopped up some Fatties all over the Tabloids!! yeah, I have been waiting to use that one. Back to the game, Wayne Sherbert drops a potential game winning pass, so game goes to OT. Jags pull out W, 26-20, as Jimmy Smith tightropes the sideline on a perfect fade pass, Russ has Jimmy Smith, he is pumped!!

Oak/Philly
All the pundits keeps predicting the fall of the Eagles and everyone keeps saying how explosive the Raiders are going to be with Moss, of course neither is happening. Same Old Eagles, McNabb is battered but still pumping out TDs to Owens, Brian Westbrook is the quickest player in NFL and a total matchup problem. Owens has been on his best behavior. Raiders still cant play D and cant sustain a drive without a penalty, just cant do it, its painfull to watch how sloppy they play. This game is a low scoring slugfest. Pussy Akers goes down on the opening kickoff. My NFL apt crew is wondering out loud why Reid didnt have another kicker just in case Akers got hurt, I mean LB Simenau, did make an extra point vs the 49ers the prior week but you would think that was an emergency one time thing, Nope, Simenau is lining up for the PAT, usually I swtich games right after TDS, but this is must see TV, Simenau misses it BAD!! Somewhere Charles Schultz is out there laughing hysterically.

Collins lobs a late TD, ties the game up, Akers is limping all over the place still, playing up to the camera worse than Reality whores/tv stars do. McNabb hits TO with a key pass down inside the ten, sets up a short FG, I mean its an extra point, I could make this, most of America could make this, doesnt anyone watch those Halftime contests? everyone always makes the first kick, well that is this kick, Akers makes it, 23-30 Eagles win, he immediately goes down in pain, grabbing his leg, come one Akers, its not even his kicking leg!! Then they show him holding his kid, GEzz!! Im waiting for the David Akers for PA Senate press conference anyday now, even though, He has a better chance of winning an election than Lynn Swann does winning any GOP PA primary, ever!! On a fantasy note, Im dropping Janikowski, more miss FGs, that drunk blows!!

Titans/Rams

Even though I have Bulger, saw very little of this game. Rams always were in control, but the Rams did their best to keep it close, winning 28-20. They always seem to do it, sometimes I think Martz plays Madden more than Bill Simmons. Guy always seem to think he has doever somewhere or reset button, I just dont get it. I would pound Steven Jackson away and then play action with Bruce/Holt. next time you watch the Rams, count how many deep(17-24yd) in routes they complete, its uncanny.

Atl/Bills


Im still not sold on JP Losman, he shows flashes of big play with his strong arm and scrambling ability, then he displays that he could bomb, and thus, throwing him in the Akili Smith, Cade McKown, Kyle Boller, and Joey Harrington club. (Aside from Tommy Maddox, I can never remember a 1st Rnd QB bombing with his first team and then thriving with another team. If they bomb right away, they might be like Rick Mirer, hang out for awhile, carrying clipboards, but they never make an impact anywhere. Or they just get cut after a couple of cameos earned soley by their high pick status, and very rarely on talent. anyway, Is Rick Mirer still in the league?

As for the game, Mike Vick still cant pass, and I have a feeling he will never be able to make 3rd and long throws consistently, but man, let him run the field, its jaw dropping. Their has never been a player like him nor do I see another one like him in near future. Dirty birds have some speed on D too. Bills struggled int he red zone again, but my fantasy RB McGahee finally scored a rushing TDs. This set off a serious cheer, as it seems like everyone has McGahee. Bills were screwed on a late 4th down spot, and then later, Losman doesnt feel the rush, gets sacked by Kearney, fumbles, Ballgame. Falcons win

Bucs/Pack

Packers lost again, I really dont want to get into it too much, it hurts. Actually it was the best played game of the season and GB should have won, but no Longwell misses his first extra point ever, and an easy FG, Pack lose by 1. Cadillac gained alot of yards but he didnt seem to hurt Packers as much as the refs did. Griese fumble on the 10 should have been Packers, weird ruling, I will talk about it later. 0-3!!! jesus

Car/Fins

I think an agrument can be made that Steve Smith is on the cusp of breaking into the Moss/TO/Harrison/Holt/CJ elite WR club. He is that good. Ferrote has proven to be pretty solid and Fins TE McMichael is automatic TD right now. He just ran through 4 dudes on one play. Carolina was on a drive, threating to kick Game winning FG, bad JakeD pass, Fins pick, great runback, Olindo Mare comes in, Ballgame, Fins win. OLINDO, I think want that as my Porn name, OLINDO

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