My favorite gay man on the planet is Dan Savage. He writes a weekly syndicated Sex Advice column called Savage Love. He answers all types of random wild questions from all over the sexual spectrum.
Savage is very bright and he actually gives insightful concrete advice. My favorite part is when he gets all sarcastic and just rips apart the people writing in with outrageous questions. There seems to bigger freaks out there than Mac G! Who knew?
Savage's open sexuality allows him to cross over comedy lines that I could never do with my attempt at humor. Plus, his columns are highly entertaining and print versions can be found in most free weeklies. Here are a few tidbits.
Here is Savage explaining what it means to be GGG, good, giving, and game.
Hear me out. You've pushed the idea that everyone must be GGG, or "good, giving, and game," and that people in relationships must be sluts for each other, and that women must perform oral sex. I agree that sexual satisfaction for both parties in a relationship is important. I think that is what you are trying to express. But that is not the message straight men are hearing. Straight men are hearing that they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it, whether the women they're with like it or not. And any woman who objects is a horrible person.
Please set the record straight! A clarification from you is long overdue. Please let straight men know that women don't owe them anything. Men don't owe women anything. When a man wants something from a woman, it's her choice to give it. It's not her duty. And you have to be a decent person to earn it!
Please Say This
First off, PST, while it's true that I've "pushed the idea" that women must perform oral sex, I've also pushed the idea that men must as well. "Oral sex is standard," I wrote. "Any model that comes without it should be returned to the lot." That applies equally to both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation.
As for GGG, perhaps a clarification is in order. ExtraUgly.com is selling "Good Giving Game Girl" T-shirts, and their website defines GGG as "the three key attributes of a good, freaky sex partner. As promoted by Savage Love. Buy it for all yo favorite ho's."
Memo to ExtraUgly.com: GGG isn't just for girls, and being GGG doesn't make someone yo ho. Boys who are virgins on their wedding nights can be GGG, and so can girls uploading amateur ATM porn from their dorm rooms. Here's what I wrote when I first coined GGG: "'Good, giving, and game' is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners, as in, 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'" (Please note that "within reason," selfish, demanding kinksters.) GGG is something straight women, straight men, lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, MTFs, FTMs, etc., should all strive to be.
Where we part ways, PST, is the "owe" issue. I happen to believe that we owe our sex partners a few things. Good personal hygiene, for starters, followed by a sense of humor, a willingness to meet our lovers' needs, and cleanish sheets. And someone who's unwilling or incapable of meeting a partner's needs owes 'em permission to get those needs met elsewhere—safely and responsibly, within reason, and on a budget.
But these are merely my secrets for a happy, fulfilling, lasting relationship. Folks who prefer stressful, aggravating, short-lived relationships—ones characterized by shouts of "I don't owe you anything!"—are free to disregard my advice
Last week he went after people that send in fake letters. The whole column can be read here.
I am happily married to a girl in her mid-20s. She recently brought home a Shetland sheepdog that she excitedly explained she had saved from the local pound. Three weeks later, I was in our neighborhood on business and decided to stop by the apartment to save the money I would otherwise spend on lunch. We have a rear door that opens into the living room and I couldn't believe the scene I discovered upon entering: My wife, nude, spread-eagled on the couch, her Shetland sheepdog lapping eagerly at her pussy, ecstatic moans escaping from her throat! She ran to the bathroom as I stood there stunned. But the worst was when I noticed the open jar of Nutella sitting on the coffee table, a faint odor of hazelnut and chocolate in the air. We have never spoken about what happened. Are there health concerns she should be aware of? A Dog At Most
Now this is a fake letter.
About half of the fakes I get follow ADAM's basic script: Man walks in, discovers his wife/girlfriend/sister/mother getting it on with a dog. Usually the woman has peanut butter smeared all over her crotch, so we'll give ADAM a tenth of a point for creativity.
What if ADAM's letter didn't include that tired old story about a dog eating pussy—would we still be able to tell that it's a fake?
You bet.
First, there's the piling on of unnecessary details in a self-conscious effort to make the letter seem more plausible. The wife didn't just explain, she "excitedly explained"; she got the dog from the "local pound," as opposed to a pound in Singapore or Sweden. There's the needlessly elaborate explanation about how he came to walk in on the wife: ADAM was in the neighborhood on business, came in through the back door (which opens on the living room?), all because he wanted to save a few bucks on lunch. There are cliché phrases lifted from a mildewed copy of a mid-1980s Penthouse ("lapping eagerly," "ecstatic moans escaping from her throat").
Most revealing, however, is that ADAM wants us to believe his wife is in her mid-20s. Not just because it's sexier—ostensibly—to picture a nude 25-year-old woman "spread-eagled on the couch" than, say, a nude 55-year-old woman, but because this letter, like most of the fakes I get, is really about the sexual degradation of women as a group. ADAM has issues, as they say, so he ran a fictional woman through a degrading sexual scenario in a letter to me. He hoped that I would run his letter in my column, and in his mind this would somehow avenge the slights he's suffered at the hands of all the women who have ever rejected him.
Kind of pathetic when you pause to think about it, huh?
I work with a hot girl at a restaorant [sic] that likes to get Tahesian [sic] Face Masks. Now if you have never heard of them before, it's when someone unloads their feecis [sic] on the other person's face. She started out with guys her age, but recently turned to older men because their shit is thicker. Will her fetish cause her problems later on down the road?
Disturbed Coworker
Another hot chick doing something disgusting—although as penned by this sub-literate dickweed, it's technically the restaurant that's into Tahitian Face Masks, not the girl. Once again, typical adolescent male fear of female sexuality curdled by resentment. (Hey, what do you think the odds are that the author of this letter was dumped for an older man?) Note that both ADAM and DC, like many fakers, don't write about something they're doing, but about something someone else is doing. And both wind their letters up with kindhearted expressions of concern ("Are there health concerns…" "Will her fetish cause her problems…"), another dead giveaway.
I'm a 22-year-old straight male. A few weeks ago, I went to a party by myself. It was hot inside, so most of the guys took off their shirts. The party was fine, but a couple hours into it, this guy I don't know, a really intimidating dude a foot taller than me with huge muscles, pulled me aside and took me to an empty room.
So this guy tells me he is gay and wants to have sex with me. I said "No way, I'm straight, and I don't think you want my huge cock up your ass!" He asked to see it. Because he was standing in front of the door not intending to release me, I dropped my pants and let him look. His mouth dropped open—my cock is huge. He decided he didn't want it up his ass, but he wouldn't let me go until I let him put his dick up mine. Not wanting to fight, I had to agree. So he took off his pants and started doing it with me! It hurt at first, but soon it started to feel SO good and I stopped trying to resist. Then I let loose with this huge, explosive orgasm.
Now I have a problem: I'm straight, I don't want to give up my awesome girlfriend, but that was the best damn fuck I've ever had. What do I do?
Fourteen Incher Needs Advice
So the "straight" author of this letter "stopped trying to resist" once that big, muscle-bound, shirtless-'cause-it-was-hot guy put his dick up FINA's ass. Gee, did anyone detect any resistance on FINA's part prior to penetration? I didn't.
Sigh.
Another common theme in fake letters: the "totally" straight guy who never even considered the possibility that he might be gay—not even once, dude!—until this incredibly intimidating gay guy came along and fucked him—so totally against his will, dude!—and treated him to an orgasm so explosive it blasted his heterosexuality away.
Fear, fear, fear—that's what the fakes are all about, SSLG. Fear of women, fear of sex, fear of homos. Not the fear of swim caps.
Savage Love
Fake Letters Column
GGG
